Father’s Rights: Visitation Enforcement

What is needed for visitation enforcement?

1.A valid court order that has been signed by a judge or issued by the district clerk’s office, certified as having been signed by a judge.

2.Be sure to read your order thoroughly. If you do not understand any of the provisions, take it to an attorney and have them explain it to you.

3.The custodial parent must have been validly served with the court order or it must be shown that the they had prior knowledge of the court order and its content.

4.The custodial parent must have full knowledge of the above two factors and must be intentionally and willfully violating the court order.

Despite the fact that you may have a valid court order, many police departments do not want to get involved in enforcing civil orders. If you call the police department and show them the order they may or may not assist you in gaining access to your children. Despite whether you get your children or not, you need to ask them to create a police report stating that you were there to pick up your children and noting the time and date you were present. If the police refuse to prepare a report, go to a local grocery store or fast food restaurant and purchase something so that you have a receipt stating that you were in the area and stating the date and time you were there.

How to prove a denial of visitation.

Take a witness along with you – preferably an off-duty constable or deputy or neutral party. Have your witness stay in the vehicle, but with the window down so that he/she can hear any conversations that take place. Have your vehicle parked in such a way that the witness can see you at all times.

Take a copy of your divorce decree along with you which shows you are suppose to have possession of your children on the date and time you arrive to pick them up.

Always be on time, and if possible a few minutes early.

If the custodial parent does not answer the door or have the child available to exercise visitation then call the police and request a Police Incident Report. If the police will not issue a police report then make sure you document the incident as best as possible. After two or three violations, take the reports, along with any witness statements, to an attorney to discuss how to bring an enforcement action against the custodial parent who is violating the order.

Take a tape recorder with you, have it running from the time you approach the residence, and do not stop it until you leave. Keep the tape recorder running as you leave the area.

As you approach the residence state the following facts in the recorder: your complete name, the address you are approaching, the reason you are there “I am going to pick up my children as stated in the final decree,” state who is with you and why, state the time of day, state when you are leaving and a brief description of what occurred. Keep a written record of each recording and label them according to date.

Keep a calendar of each denied visitation.

Make sure you have a credible witness each time you try to exercise your possession with your children.

Do not argue with your exhibit-spouse regardless of how angry you are or whether you get your children or not. Staying calm will work in your favor in the long run.

If you file an enforcement action, if the custodial parent continues to deny you visitation after the suit is brought, continue to go and knock on the door to exercise your visitation, as each separate violation of the court order can be used in the enforcement action.

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I Need A Father – (A Fathers Role in Child Custody)

The number of fathers caring for their children is growing at a rate almost twice that of single mothers. The bottom line is more men are choosing to be hands-on fathers. In addition, presumed joint custody — or shared custody by both parents of children of divorce — is now the law of the land in most states.

Scores of research have documented the positive effects of a father’s involvement in a child’s life. Regrettably, currently approximately 30% of American children live without their father’s involvement in their life.

As the number of women in the work force has increased, some men appear to have become more involved in fatherhood and show greater interest in child-care responsibilities. With more women in the workplace than ever before — 68% of women with children under 18 — divorce courts in most states are not simply awarding custody and care of children to mothers by default. In some cases, the mother has neither the time, nor the will, to care full time for her offspring. In other cases, she may not have the financial means. The gradual progress towards leveling the playing field for women at work has resulted in slowly leveling the playing field at home. The law is beginning to catch up as well. Divorce laws of more and more states are taking into account the importance of children maintaining relationships with dads as well as moms after divorce.

Following is a sample of what other sources have had to say about the risks faced by fatherless children:

•63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
•85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
•80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)
•71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
•70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
•85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)
After economic factors are excluded, children reared in fatherless homes are more than twice as likely to become male adolescent delinquents or teen mothers.

Recent studies have suggested that children whose fathers are actively involved with them from birth are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident in exploring their surroundings, have better social connections with peers as they grow older, are less likely to get in trouble at home and at school, and are less likely to use drugs and alcohol. Children with fathers who are nurturing, involved, and playful also turn out to have higher IQs and better linguistic and cognitive capacities.

The divorce process is difficult for all involved. It is far better for the children if the parents are able and willing to place them outside of difficult divorce issues. Children want to run and laugh and play. In many cases they are not mature enough to process adult issues. Keep heated issues between the adults and away from hearing range of the children. No matter how angry a parent is, they should promote the children viewing the other parent in a positive light. Children need positive role models. Even if a parent feels the other parent has wronged them, it is just as wrong for that parent to take away the ability for their children to have a parent they can be proud of and look up to.

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Step-parent Conflict: Put the Kids First

Step-parent Conflict: Put the Kids First

Thirty seven percent of families in the United States are blended families.  Sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce.  A biological parent has his hands full, but as most step-parents will tell you, their job is even more complicated. 

 

Following a divorce, it is not uncommon for a new step-parent to become the target of unprovoked spite or anger.  In many cases, the previous-spouse harbors unfounded fears that their child will look to a new step-parent as a mother or father replacement figure.  This can engender resentment to what may already be an uncomfortable situation between parties.  Regretfully, these issues often escalate very quickly.  Such resentments place the children squarely in the middle of a bitter fight between the people they love the most and are not healthy for anyone involved.  The pain of conflicting loyalties to each parent and a child’s feeling of being “caught in the middle” of such disputes exacts an enormous emotional toll on a child.  When a parent is in a rage, it is not uncommon for a child to withdraw.  The child’s behavior towards the non-primary parent may abruptly change.  This change in behavior may have more to do with keeping the primary parent happy than it does with how they really feel about the non-primary parent or step-parent.  It is essential that you make it clear to your child that you love them and will always be there for them, regardless of the emotional or less than rosy current circumstances. 

 

It is crucial to a child’s self-esteem and emotional growth that parents avoid putting children in the middle of such disputes.  This can be incredibly difficult, however, when a selfish or manipulative parent does not think twice about wrongfully placing his or her child in the middle of conflict.  Children are very perceptive and as they grow older they will ultimately realize when a parent has lied to them and used them for their own emotional or financial gain.  Though they may temporarily identify with the aggressors, in time they will deeply resent the parent who has manipulated them.

 

Regardless of the circumstances, it is critical that biological parents avoid arguments or conflicts in the presence of the children.  Such conduct is conducive to parental alienation goals of the misguided previous spouse.  If the child sees that you maintain a calm and collected demeanor, it gives them reason to pause and feel safe. 

 

If a previous spouse is making statements to the child regarding issues that should only be discussed between adults, tell the child that such discussions are inappropriate and you will take them up with the other parent at another time. 

 

It is ok to tell your child “I am sorry,” if they are upset, even if you are not the parent upsetting them.  This validates that they are hurting and relieves any false guilt they may have over things that are being said and done when you are not present.  It is sometimes helpful to use everyday situations to explain conflict to your child.  As an example, when dealing with conflict explain that “brothers and sisters fight, but they still love each other.  Families have to work through conflict in order to stay together.  I would not leave you if you made a mistake, I would not want you to leave me.”  Such statements reinforces that reasonable conflict is ok and assures the child that you will remain a constant force in their life regardless of the situation.

 

If you feel that the conflict has escalated to a point of becoming emotionally abusive and/or destructive to the child, consult an attorney.  It may be in the best interest of the child that he or she be removed from the primary parent and placed with the non-primary parent so that he or she is allowed to love all parental figures, parents and step-parents alike, unconditionally

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