Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 3

Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family - or How does divorce make you feel?

Divorce Wars/Legal Strategies and Myths

The cost, effectiveness, pain, and complexity of a divorce is frequently directly related to that point in time in which the man and woman accept an emotional divorce. Generally, the divorce commences at the time of the filing of the petitioner’s original petition and ends, absent appeal, thirty days following the entry of a final judgment of divorce. The emotional divorce, however, may occur prior to the commencement of the action, during the commencement of the action, or following entry of a final judgment. Likewise, the emotional divorce may be accepted prior to the commencement of the action, following the filing of the original petition or after entry of a final judgment. Although there are a number of cases in which fault primarily rests with one spouse, experience has shown that emotional acceptance, in the vast majority of divorce cases, can only occur when both husband and wife accept partial fault. In other words, at the core of all marital disputes is the unrecognized and repressed reality that both parties may have made a poor judgment in electing to commence the marital compact in the first place.

Absent adult and real emotional acceptance of some level of partial responsibility for failed judgment, divorce wars can evolve primarily to establish who is “wrong” or “responsible” or “at fault” and generally lead to higher costs, attorney’s fees, expense, expert fees and other strategical expenses necessary to fully put forward the position of the client. The ammunition employed by the attorney on behalf of the client is available from a number of categories, including temporary and, in some cases, post-divorce alimony, asset distribution, asset allocation, child support, possession periods with the children, holidays with the children, payment of attorney’s fees, depositions, document discovery and analysis, psychological evaluations, drug testing, etc.

If, in fact, the emotional acceptance of the dissolution has occurred prior to or relatively near commencement of the divorce proceeding, it is much simpler and emotionally constructive to address the underlying core issues in the divorce more quickly and effectively. Those issues in a relationship with children, blended or otherwise, should and frequently do in an acceptance situation, revolve around the best interest of the children and the constructive approach to an adult respectful resolution that takes into account the future stability and workability of the husband and wife and particularly the children to a relationship. Frequently, the key to a quick, more cost effective and therapeutic result is the employment of qualified counselors to aid the parties on this very difficult and complicated road that must be walked prior to commencing a different life following dissolution. When there are children involved, the sooner the parties recognize that though they may divorce one another they are not divorcing their children, the sooner the recovery process can begin. Regardless of fault, responsibility or other adversarial issues, for both husband and wife, there will be future soccer games, T-ball games, graduations, marriages, funerals, reunions and other social events which in all reasonable probability, they will both be in attendance. So long as both spouses place the best interests of the child above their own best interest, in a large majority of the cases, regardless of who is at fault, a reasonable and cost effective result may be expeditiously accomplished.

The Nacol Law Firm PC
Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
972-690-3333

Parent Alienation in Divorce

In recent years, “parent alienation” has become more prevalent in divorce cases. Parent alienation is the dramatic change in the relationship between a parent and their child when the child is used as a tool by one parent to hurt the other parent. Parent alienation can include much more than brainwashing of a child. In many cases, the child becomes hostile towards the alienated parent as they are fed not just conscious, but subconscious and unconscious, messages by the alienating parent. Frequently, the child will turn on the parent they previously loved and were very close to prior to the institution of the divorce proceeding. In some cases, the alienating parent will go to extreme lengths to keep the alienated parent from seeing the child for long periods of time. Children begin acting out and the situation quickly becomes volatile.

When children are used in such a manner, emotions are quickly aroused and a very simple divorce case can quickly become a highly contested case fueled by resentment and hostility.

Parents who are successful in getting primary custody of a child in a parent alienation situation share many similar characteristics and may use some of the following tools to assist them in their defense:

1. Keep an even-temper, remain logical and keep your emotions under control. Never retaliate.

2. Though you may think of giving up, never do so.

3. Go to the financial expense of seeing the case through. Never give up on your child. There can be nothing more important than the happiness of your child.

4. Seek help from a skilled attorney who has experience with parental alienation.

5. Familiarize yourself with how the courts work and the laws as they apply to your specific case.
6. Seek professional help and diagnosis.

7. Request a social study into the circumstances of the child.

8. Request a psychological evaluation of the alienating parent.

9. Keep a chronology or diary of events (this will help to jog your memory, keep track of witnesses, etc.).

10. Document the alienation for submission as evidence in court.

11. Keep the best interest of the child at heart.

12. Provide the Court with an appropriate parenting plan.

13. Make sure you understand the nature of the problem and focus on correcting it, even though you are being victimized.

14. Always call and show up for visitation with your child at the scheduled time, even if there is no chance of the child being there.

15. Take witnesses to testify that the child is not at home when you exercise your visitation rights.

16. Focus on the child, and never talk to the child about the other parent or the divorce case.

17. Never violate the Court’s orders.

18. If you are receiving disturbing phone calls from the child or the other parent, tape the calls.

19. If you are receiving disturbing emails or text messages from the child or the other parent, make a copy and place in a file.

Though none of these tips will guarantee that you get custody of the child, they will definitely assist you in building a case against the parent who is attempting to alienate you from your child.

The Nacol Law Firm PC
Serving clients with divorce / parent alienation issues
in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex area
Tel: 972-690-3333