There are many legal and proper ways to obtain proof of a spouse’s infidelity. Take care to avoid tactics used to obtain private information that may violate federal and Texas confidentiality laws and a spouse’s right to privacy. You may be tempted by others to obtain proof of a partner’s infidelity by various inappropriate and/or illegal methods. Reading emails, recording telephone calls, installing spyware or geographical tracking devices or even setting up hidden cameras are just a few methods a spouse may be offered when entertaining the thought of catching a cheating spouse. However, such actions may expose both parties and their attorney to civil liability and possible criminal penalties. Under Texas law, it is a crime to install a geographical tracking device on a vehicle owned by another person. When emotions are running high, it is imperative that you seek proper counsel as to the proper legal action to be taken when establishing facts.
Both federal and state wiretapping laws apply to divorcing spouses. A spouse may sue the other spouse or their agents for invasion of privacy. Federal law regulates electronic surveillance of conversations and access to emails, faxes and voicemail. The law imposes civil and criminal sanctions for intentional interceptions of electronic communications. However, accessing email after it has been transmitted, i.e. downloading a text from your telephone or email from the hard drive of a family computer, is not an offense under the Federal Act. Texas has laws that also prohibit the interception of communications. Under such laws, counsel may also be held liable if they disclose information received from the intercepted communications provided by their clients.
Federal and Texas laws both allow recording of telephone calls and other electronic communications with the consent of at least one party to the communication. Under the one-party consent statutes, a spouse may record conversations in which he or she is participating. This has been extended to include parental recording of a child’s conversations with a third party, including the other parent. The parent can consent to the recording on behalf of the child so long as the parent has a good faith objective and a reasonable belief that it is in the best interest of the child, even if the child is unaware of the recording.
It is important that a spouse take great care in their means and methods of gathering information for your divorce in Texas. Information obtained by illegal means can expose one, even if he or she is a spouse, to civil liabilities and possible criminal prosecution. Texas recognizes that every person has a certain right to privacy. Such right is violated if a person intentionally intrudes upon the private affairs of another by offensive means. Accessing stored email or secretly recording a spouse can be a violation of a spouse’s right to privacy. If a suit is filed, the damaged spouse may recover monetary damages, including punitive damages.
For answers to your questions on gathering information for your Texas Divorce, contact Dallas Divorce attorney Mark Nacol with the Nacol Law Firm, P.C.
Showing posts with label dallas divorce attorney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dallas divorce attorney. Show all posts
Monday, February 15, 2010
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Divorce: What is separate property and what is community property?
Under the Texas Family Code, a spouses separate property consists of 1) the property owned or claimed by the spouse before marriage; 2) the property acquired by the spouse during marriage by gift, devise, or descent, and 3) the recovery for personal injuries sustained by the spouse during marriage, except any recovery for loss of earning capacity during marriage.
The terms “owned and claimed” as used in the Texas Family Code mean that where the right to the property accrued before marriage, the property would be separate. Inception of title occurs when a party first has a right of claim to the property by virtue of which title is finally vested. The existence or nonexistence of the marriage at the time of incipiency of the right of which title finally vests determines whether property is community or separate. Inception of title occurs when a party first has a right of claim to the property.
Under Texas Constitution, Art. XVI, Section 15, separate property is defined as all property, both real and personal, of a spouse owned or claimed before marriage, and that acquired afterward by gift, devise or descent, shall be the separate property of that spouse; and laws shall be passed more clearly defining the rights of the spouses, in relation to separate and community property; provided that persons about to marry and spouses, without the intention to defraud pre-existing creditors, may by written instrument from time to time partition between themselves all or part of their property, then existing or to be acquired, or exchange between themselves the community interest of one spouse or future spouse in any property for the community interest of the other spouse or future spouse in other community property then existing or to be acquired, whereupon the portion or interest set aside to each spouse shall be and constitute a part of the separate property and estate of such spouse or future spouse; spouses may also from time to time, by written instrument, agree between themselves that the income or property from all or part of the separate property then owned or which thereafter might be acquired by only one of them, shall be the separate property of that spouse; if one spouse makes a gift of property to the other that gift is presumed to include all income or property which might arise from that gift of property; and spouses may agree in writing that all or part of the separate property owned by either or both of them shall be the spouses’ community property.
In 1917 the Legislature defined and income from separate property to be the separate property of the owner spouse. In Arnold v. Leonard, 114 Tex. 535,273 S.W. 799 (1925), the Supreme Court held that the Legislature did not have the constitutional authority to characterize the income from separate property as the owner’s separate property. The court explained that the Legislature’s authority was limited to enacting laws regulating the management and liability of marital property, not its separate or community character. This decision strengthened the constitutional principal that the Legislature may not define what is community and separate property in a manner inconsistent with Article 16, Section 15 of the Texas Constitution.
There are numerous means by which separate property may be acquired in defiance of Article 16, Section 15, a partial list includes mutations of separate property, increases in value of separate land and personality, recovery for personal injury not measured by loss of earning power, improvements of separate land with an unascertainable amount of community funds, and United States Securities purchased with community funds.
Although such property may undergo changes or mutations, as long as it is traced and properly identified it will remain separate property.
The Texas Family Code defines community property as follows: “community property consists of the property, other than separate property, acquired by either spouse during marriage.”
Texas Family Code, Section 3.003 states that all property possessed by either spouse during or at the dissolution of the marriage is presumed to be community property and that the degree of proof necessary to establish that property is separate property, rather than community property, is clear and convincing evidence. Clear and convincing evidence is defined as that measure or degree of proof that will produce in the mind of the trier of fact a firm belief or conviction as to the truth of the allegations sought to be established. If property cannot be proved to be separate property, then it is deemed to be community property.
The Texas Family Code, Section 7.002, deals with quasi-community property and requires a court divide property wherever the property is situated, if 1) the property was acquired by either spouse while domiciled in another state and the property would have been community property if the spouse who acquired the property had been domiciled in Texas at the time of acquisition; or 2) property was acquired by either spouse in exchange for real or personal property and that property would have been community property if the spouse who acquired the property so exchanged had been domiciled in Texas at the time of the acquisition.
The terms “owned and claimed” as used in the Texas Family Code mean that where the right to the property accrued before marriage, the property would be separate. Inception of title occurs when a party first has a right of claim to the property by virtue of which title is finally vested. The existence or nonexistence of the marriage at the time of incipiency of the right of which title finally vests determines whether property is community or separate. Inception of title occurs when a party first has a right of claim to the property.
Under Texas Constitution, Art. XVI, Section 15, separate property is defined as all property, both real and personal, of a spouse owned or claimed before marriage, and that acquired afterward by gift, devise or descent, shall be the separate property of that spouse; and laws shall be passed more clearly defining the rights of the spouses, in relation to separate and community property; provided that persons about to marry and spouses, without the intention to defraud pre-existing creditors, may by written instrument from time to time partition between themselves all or part of their property, then existing or to be acquired, or exchange between themselves the community interest of one spouse or future spouse in any property for the community interest of the other spouse or future spouse in other community property then existing or to be acquired, whereupon the portion or interest set aside to each spouse shall be and constitute a part of the separate property and estate of such spouse or future spouse; spouses may also from time to time, by written instrument, agree between themselves that the income or property from all or part of the separate property then owned or which thereafter might be acquired by only one of them, shall be the separate property of that spouse; if one spouse makes a gift of property to the other that gift is presumed to include all income or property which might arise from that gift of property; and spouses may agree in writing that all or part of the separate property owned by either or both of them shall be the spouses’ community property.
In 1917 the Legislature defined and income from separate property to be the separate property of the owner spouse. In Arnold v. Leonard, 114 Tex. 535,273 S.W. 799 (1925), the Supreme Court held that the Legislature did not have the constitutional authority to characterize the income from separate property as the owner’s separate property. The court explained that the Legislature’s authority was limited to enacting laws regulating the management and liability of marital property, not its separate or community character. This decision strengthened the constitutional principal that the Legislature may not define what is community and separate property in a manner inconsistent with Article 16, Section 15 of the Texas Constitution.
There are numerous means by which separate property may be acquired in defiance of Article 16, Section 15, a partial list includes mutations of separate property, increases in value of separate land and personality, recovery for personal injury not measured by loss of earning power, improvements of separate land with an unascertainable amount of community funds, and United States Securities purchased with community funds.
Although such property may undergo changes or mutations, as long as it is traced and properly identified it will remain separate property.
The Texas Family Code defines community property as follows: “community property consists of the property, other than separate property, acquired by either spouse during marriage.”
Texas Family Code, Section 3.003 states that all property possessed by either spouse during or at the dissolution of the marriage is presumed to be community property and that the degree of proof necessary to establish that property is separate property, rather than community property, is clear and convincing evidence. Clear and convincing evidence is defined as that measure or degree of proof that will produce in the mind of the trier of fact a firm belief or conviction as to the truth of the allegations sought to be established. If property cannot be proved to be separate property, then it is deemed to be community property.
The Texas Family Code, Section 7.002, deals with quasi-community property and requires a court divide property wherever the property is situated, if 1) the property was acquired by either spouse while domiciled in another state and the property would have been community property if the spouse who acquired the property had been domiciled in Texas at the time of acquisition; or 2) property was acquired by either spouse in exchange for real or personal property and that property would have been community property if the spouse who acquired the property so exchanged had been domiciled in Texas at the time of the acquisition.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Children in Distress: What to Do When You Need Emergency Relief
The right to obtain physical possession of a child, the right to obtain temporary relief without prior notice to the other party, and the right to exclude a party from a residence are all special circumstances in which emergency relief may be requested.
A writ of attachment is a court order requiring a child be produced at a particular location at a particular time. It is used in situations where a party is entitled to possession of a child under a court order. It may also be used when an emergency exists and a child is in imminent danger to his or her physical or emotional welfare.
The remedy is extraordinary. As such, specific facts must be alleged to command the court to issue the writ. The writ should be requested only when necessary to protect the welfare of the child.
Section 105.001 of the Texas Family Code provides the court may not render an order, except on a verified pleading or an affidavit which (1) attached the body of a child; (2) takes the child into the possession of the court or into the possession of a person designated by the court or (3) excludes a parent from possession of or access to a child.
Requests for writs of attachment are contained in petitions, motions and applications in suits affecting the parent child relationship and are filed ancillary to other requests. The court must then make a determination as to whether the necessity exists for the writ and the applications are in proper order.
The court issues a writ commanding any sheriff or constable to attach the body of a child and deliver the child to a designated place. That designated place is a location specified by the court who may command that the child be brought to the court or the court may provide a location where the child may be delivered by law enforcement.
Habeas corpus actions are brought when a party claiming a right to possession of a child is seeking the court’s help in getting the child physically turned over to that party. The court shall compel return of the child to the person filing the habeas corpus only if the court finds that the filer is entitled to possession under the order.
If the court fails to compel return of the child, the court may issue temporary orders if a suit affecting the parent child relationship is pending. The court may issues such temporary orders only if the suit affecting parent child relationship is pending and the temporary hearing is set at the same time as the habeas corpus hearing. The court may then enter an order if a serious immediate question concerning the welfare of the child is shown at the temporary hearing.
The court has defined “serious and immediate question” to mean imminent danger of physical or emotional harm that requires immediate action to protect the child. If a right to possession is established, the exception to granting the writ occurs when a serious and immediate question concerning the welfare of the child exists. If the writ is denied after the right to possession under a prior court order is established, the Texas Supreme Court requires the trial court issue a written temporary order containing a finding that there is a serious and immediate question concerning the child.
A serious and immediate question, although often alleged, is rarely found in habeas corpus actions.
A temporary order, when entered, should not be a final adjudication of custody. At a minimum, the temporary order should contain the filer’s temporary rights to possession and should set a further hearing.
A writ of attachment is a court order requiring a child be produced at a particular location at a particular time. It is used in situations where a party is entitled to possession of a child under a court order. It may also be used when an emergency exists and a child is in imminent danger to his or her physical or emotional welfare.
The remedy is extraordinary. As such, specific facts must be alleged to command the court to issue the writ. The writ should be requested only when necessary to protect the welfare of the child.
Section 105.001 of the Texas Family Code provides the court may not render an order, except on a verified pleading or an affidavit which (1) attached the body of a child; (2) takes the child into the possession of the court or into the possession of a person designated by the court or (3) excludes a parent from possession of or access to a child.
Requests for writs of attachment are contained in petitions, motions and applications in suits affecting the parent child relationship and are filed ancillary to other requests. The court must then make a determination as to whether the necessity exists for the writ and the applications are in proper order.
The court issues a writ commanding any sheriff or constable to attach the body of a child and deliver the child to a designated place. That designated place is a location specified by the court who may command that the child be brought to the court or the court may provide a location where the child may be delivered by law enforcement.
Habeas corpus actions are brought when a party claiming a right to possession of a child is seeking the court’s help in getting the child physically turned over to that party. The court shall compel return of the child to the person filing the habeas corpus only if the court finds that the filer is entitled to possession under the order.
If the court fails to compel return of the child, the court may issue temporary orders if a suit affecting the parent child relationship is pending. The court may issues such temporary orders only if the suit affecting parent child relationship is pending and the temporary hearing is set at the same time as the habeas corpus hearing. The court may then enter an order if a serious immediate question concerning the welfare of the child is shown at the temporary hearing.
The court has defined “serious and immediate question” to mean imminent danger of physical or emotional harm that requires immediate action to protect the child. If a right to possession is established, the exception to granting the writ occurs when a serious and immediate question concerning the welfare of the child exists. If the writ is denied after the right to possession under a prior court order is established, the Texas Supreme Court requires the trial court issue a written temporary order containing a finding that there is a serious and immediate question concerning the child.
A serious and immediate question, although often alleged, is rarely found in habeas corpus actions.
A temporary order, when entered, should not be a final adjudication of custody. At a minimum, the temporary order should contain the filer’s temporary rights to possession and should set a further hearing.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Torn Apart: Children and Divorce
Despite the difficulties faced in a divorce, the children should not be placed in the center of the crossfire. During the divorce process, and sometimes following the divorce process, it is not uncommon for a parent to become so wrapped up in anger, vengeance or simply being “right” that they forget the effect the whole process is having on the children. Below are some behaviors to avoid and some suggestions to assist you with improving your communications during the divorce process:
1. Do not use children as messengers between “mom” and “dad.”
2. Do not criticize your former spouse in the presence of your children because children realize they are part “mom” and part “dad.”
3. Resist any temptation to allow your children to act as your caretaker. Children need to be allowed the freedom to be “children.” Taking on such responsibility at an early age degrades their self-esteem, feeds anger and hinders a child’s ability to relate to their peers.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Promote a good relationship for the benefit of the child.
5. Do not argue with your former spouse in the presence of the children. No matter what the situation, the child will feel torn between taking “mommy’s” side and “daddy’s” side.
6. At every step during the divorce process, remind yourself that your children’s interests are paramount, even over your own.
7. If you are the non-primary parent, pay your child support.
8. If you are the primary parent and are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. This feeds a child’s sense of abandonment and erodes their stability.
9. Remember that the Court’s view child support and child custody as two separate and distinct issues. Children do not understand whether “mommy” and/or “daddy” paid child support, but they do understand that “mommy” and/or “daddy” wants to see me.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. When a family is falling apart, a child needs a stable home and school life to buffer the trauma.
11. If you have an addiction problem, whether it be drugs, alcohol or any other affliction, seek help immediately. Such impairments inhibit your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need.
12. If you are having difficulty dealing with issues relating to your former spouse, discuss such issues with mental health professionals and counselors.
13. Reassure your children that they are loved and that they have no fault in the divorce.
Though these steps are not all-inclusive, they will assist you in dealing with the complex issues of a divorce and hopefully minimize the impact of the divorce process on the children.
1. Do not use children as messengers between “mom” and “dad.”
2. Do not criticize your former spouse in the presence of your children because children realize they are part “mom” and part “dad.”
3. Resist any temptation to allow your children to act as your caretaker. Children need to be allowed the freedom to be “children.” Taking on such responsibility at an early age degrades their self-esteem, feeds anger and hinders a child’s ability to relate to their peers.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Promote a good relationship for the benefit of the child.
5. Do not argue with your former spouse in the presence of the children. No matter what the situation, the child will feel torn between taking “mommy’s” side and “daddy’s” side.
6. At every step during the divorce process, remind yourself that your children’s interests are paramount, even over your own.
7. If you are the non-primary parent, pay your child support.
8. If you are the primary parent and are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. This feeds a child’s sense of abandonment and erodes their stability.
9. Remember that the Court’s view child support and child custody as two separate and distinct issues. Children do not understand whether “mommy” and/or “daddy” paid child support, but they do understand that “mommy” and/or “daddy” wants to see me.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. When a family is falling apart, a child needs a stable home and school life to buffer the trauma.
11. If you have an addiction problem, whether it be drugs, alcohol or any other affliction, seek help immediately. Such impairments inhibit your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need.
12. If you are having difficulty dealing with issues relating to your former spouse, discuss such issues with mental health professionals and counselors.
13. Reassure your children that they are loved and that they have no fault in the divorce.
Though these steps are not all-inclusive, they will assist you in dealing with the complex issues of a divorce and hopefully minimize the impact of the divorce process on the children.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Step-parent Conflict: Put the Kids First
Thirty seven percent of families in the United States are blended families. Sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce. A biological parent has his hands full, but as most step-parents will tell you, their job is even more complicated.
Following a divorce, it is not uncommon for a new step-parent to become the target of unprovoked spite or anger. In many cases, the previous-spouse harbors unfounded fears that their child will look to a new step-parent as a mother or father replacement figure. This can engender resentment to what may already be an uncomfortable situation between parties. Regretfully, these issues often escalate very quickly. Such resentments place the children squarely in the middle of a bitter fight between the people they love the most and are not healthy for anyone involved. The pain of conflicting loyalties to each parent and a child’s feeling of being “caught in the middle” of such disputes exacts an enormous emotional toll on a child. When a parent is in a rage, it is not uncommon for a child to withdraw. The child’s behavior towards the non-primary parent may abruptly change. This change in behavior may have more to do with keeping the primary parent happy than it does with how they really feel about the non-primary parent or step-parent. It is essential that you make it clear to your child that you love them and will always be there for them, regardless of the emotional or less than rosy current circumstances.
It is crucial to a child’s self-esteem and emotional growth that parents avoid putting children in the middle of such disputes. This can be incredibly difficult, however, when a selfish or manipulative parent does not think twice about wrongfully placing his or her child in the middle of conflict. Children are very perceptive and as they grow older they will ultimately realize when a parent has lied to them and used them for their own emotional or financial gain. Though they may temporarily identify with the aggressors, in time they will deeply resent the parent who has manipulated them.
Regardless of the circumstances, it is critical that biological parents avoid arguments or conflicts in the presence of the children. Such conduct is conducive to parental alienation goals of the misguided previous spouse. If the child sees that you maintain a calm and collected demeanor, it gives them reason to pause and feel safe.
If a previous spouse is making statements to the child regarding issues that should only be discussed between adults, tell the child that such discussions are inappropriate and you will take them up with the other parent at another time.
It is ok to tell your child “I am sorry,” if they are upset, even if you are not the parent upsetting them. This validates that they are hurting and relieves any false guilt they may have over things that are being said and done when you are not present. It is sometimes helpful to use everyday situations to explain conflict to your child. As an example, when dealing with conflict explain that “brothers and sisters fight, but they still love each other. Families have to work through conflict in order to stay together. I would not leave you if you made a mistake, I would not want you to leave me.” Such statements reinforces that reasonable conflict is ok and assures the child that you will remain a constant force in their life regardless of the situation.
If you feel that the conflict has escalated to a point of becoming emotionally abusive and/or destructive to the child, consult an attorney. It may be in the best interest of the child that he or she be removed from the primary parent and placed with the non-primary parent so that he or she is allowed to love all parental figures, parents and step-parents alike, unconditionally.
Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Law office of attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Following a divorce, it is not uncommon for a new step-parent to become the target of unprovoked spite or anger. In many cases, the previous-spouse harbors unfounded fears that their child will look to a new step-parent as a mother or father replacement figure. This can engender resentment to what may already be an uncomfortable situation between parties. Regretfully, these issues often escalate very quickly. Such resentments place the children squarely in the middle of a bitter fight between the people they love the most and are not healthy for anyone involved. The pain of conflicting loyalties to each parent and a child’s feeling of being “caught in the middle” of such disputes exacts an enormous emotional toll on a child. When a parent is in a rage, it is not uncommon for a child to withdraw. The child’s behavior towards the non-primary parent may abruptly change. This change in behavior may have more to do with keeping the primary parent happy than it does with how they really feel about the non-primary parent or step-parent. It is essential that you make it clear to your child that you love them and will always be there for them, regardless of the emotional or less than rosy current circumstances.
It is crucial to a child’s self-esteem and emotional growth that parents avoid putting children in the middle of such disputes. This can be incredibly difficult, however, when a selfish or manipulative parent does not think twice about wrongfully placing his or her child in the middle of conflict. Children are very perceptive and as they grow older they will ultimately realize when a parent has lied to them and used them for their own emotional or financial gain. Though they may temporarily identify with the aggressors, in time they will deeply resent the parent who has manipulated them.
Regardless of the circumstances, it is critical that biological parents avoid arguments or conflicts in the presence of the children. Such conduct is conducive to parental alienation goals of the misguided previous spouse. If the child sees that you maintain a calm and collected demeanor, it gives them reason to pause and feel safe.
If a previous spouse is making statements to the child regarding issues that should only be discussed between adults, tell the child that such discussions are inappropriate and you will take them up with the other parent at another time.
It is ok to tell your child “I am sorry,” if they are upset, even if you are not the parent upsetting them. This validates that they are hurting and relieves any false guilt they may have over things that are being said and done when you are not present. It is sometimes helpful to use everyday situations to explain conflict to your child. As an example, when dealing with conflict explain that “brothers and sisters fight, but they still love each other. Families have to work through conflict in order to stay together. I would not leave you if you made a mistake, I would not want you to leave me.” Such statements reinforces that reasonable conflict is ok and assures the child that you will remain a constant force in their life regardless of the situation.
If you feel that the conflict has escalated to a point of becoming emotionally abusive and/or destructive to the child, consult an attorney. It may be in the best interest of the child that he or she be removed from the primary parent and placed with the non-primary parent so that he or she is allowed to love all parental figures, parents and step-parents alike, unconditionally.
Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Law office of attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Monday, May 4, 2009
Bitter Truths are Painful but Help Children Recover
The transition process for a child in a divorce is a difficult one which can result in acceptance, growth and renewal or long term resentments and unrealistic expectations.
It is this writer’s belief that the most heinous, destructive event that can occur in a divorce process is the use of the children by either spouse to support their own emotional needs or to seek advantage in the process through their children.
If the divorce is accepted and inevitable, every child deserves to know bluntly and directly where they stand. The exact approach a parent should take with their children will depend on the particular nuclear family, the life belief systems of the family and the relative maturity of each child. At some point, even with young children, every child has a right to know that mom and dad are getting a divorce, will never live together again, do not want to be married, and, if indicated, do not love each other anymore. This brutal truth inevitably will result in acting out, crying, assessment of blame, and sometimes pleading for a different result. Frequently, there is a temporary drop in grade levels, achievement scores and, in the teenage years, disrespect, substance experimentation and/or abuse and authority issues with teachers, coaches or other mentors which have not occurred prior to the separation. I believe that with honest direct knowledge, regardless of the pain, acting out and emotional injury, the children are at least standing on reality, firmly on the ground, and have a reference with other children, peer groups, and friends who on many occasions have been through the same thing. They can express their feelings directly to their friends and peers. They can converse with authority figures or others directly about the truth of the situation and can commence their new lives based on truths and not fantasy.
Alternatively, the most destructive approach a female or male may take with their children is to offer denial or false explanations such as “my mom and daddy are not going to live together for a while, but they may get back together some day,” or “mom and dad love each other, things are not working out right now and we will just have to see.” In the short term, this approach probably is less emotionally upsetting and easier for the parents and the children. In the long run, it can be catastrophic as the children of the relationship are standing in quicksand and falsehoods which give their children no base of reference among their peers at school, church, clubs, etc. They have nothing they can discuss or share with their peers because their parents are “not married” and are “not divorced.” They may become confounded, and this writer believes the result may be long-term character issues and other disorders which may be avoided if the children are allowed to go through their own grief reaction and start new lives based on truth rather than fanciful false hopes.
It is absolutely critical that each spouse never demean the self-esteem of the other spouse to their children or to other adults in front of their children. If dad is a drunk and a mother tells her eight year old son this is the “reason” for the divorce, then every time that eight year old boy looks in the mirror he sees a drunk. If a father tells a daughter that a divorce had to occur because of the mother’s new relationship with another man, then every time that young girl looks in the mirror she sees a whore. Children will internalize these assertions because regardless of whether the assertions are right or wrong, they are being made by people who are their parents, advisors and whose behavior they model. Rest assured that a frequent dead-beat father or mother is infinitely better than no father or mother at all. Additionally, it has been this attorney’s experience that using the children to forge a position in a divorce inevitably back-fires before the judge and/or jury and, over the long-haul as the children mature into adulthood, they will resent the self-degradation of the other spouse and hold it against the spouse who tried to manipulate the child for the rest of their lives.
Once a direct, unambiguous, concise, and sometimes brutally honest statement is made to the children as to what their future will be, the best emotional results for the children appear to come from parents who thereafter remain silent on the topic. Children frequently are dealing with adolescence, puberty, early religious beliefs, adaptation to sexual urges that are normal and hormonal, and every other issue all children deal with as they mature and grow. The last thing on earth minor children need in this contentious environment is to become a go-between message carrier or spy against a parent who is someone they love and who they follow as a role model, during a terrible period of time in their life when their own grief reaction is just as hard and painful as that of the parents going through the divorce.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
It is this writer’s belief that the most heinous, destructive event that can occur in a divorce process is the use of the children by either spouse to support their own emotional needs or to seek advantage in the process through their children.
If the divorce is accepted and inevitable, every child deserves to know bluntly and directly where they stand. The exact approach a parent should take with their children will depend on the particular nuclear family, the life belief systems of the family and the relative maturity of each child. At some point, even with young children, every child has a right to know that mom and dad are getting a divorce, will never live together again, do not want to be married, and, if indicated, do not love each other anymore. This brutal truth inevitably will result in acting out, crying, assessment of blame, and sometimes pleading for a different result. Frequently, there is a temporary drop in grade levels, achievement scores and, in the teenage years, disrespect, substance experimentation and/or abuse and authority issues with teachers, coaches or other mentors which have not occurred prior to the separation. I believe that with honest direct knowledge, regardless of the pain, acting out and emotional injury, the children are at least standing on reality, firmly on the ground, and have a reference with other children, peer groups, and friends who on many occasions have been through the same thing. They can express their feelings directly to their friends and peers. They can converse with authority figures or others directly about the truth of the situation and can commence their new lives based on truths and not fantasy.
Alternatively, the most destructive approach a female or male may take with their children is to offer denial or false explanations such as “my mom and daddy are not going to live together for a while, but they may get back together some day,” or “mom and dad love each other, things are not working out right now and we will just have to see.” In the short term, this approach probably is less emotionally upsetting and easier for the parents and the children. In the long run, it can be catastrophic as the children of the relationship are standing in quicksand and falsehoods which give their children no base of reference among their peers at school, church, clubs, etc. They have nothing they can discuss or share with their peers because their parents are “not married” and are “not divorced.” They may become confounded, and this writer believes the result may be long-term character issues and other disorders which may be avoided if the children are allowed to go through their own grief reaction and start new lives based on truth rather than fanciful false hopes.
It is absolutely critical that each spouse never demean the self-esteem of the other spouse to their children or to other adults in front of their children. If dad is a drunk and a mother tells her eight year old son this is the “reason” for the divorce, then every time that eight year old boy looks in the mirror he sees a drunk. If a father tells a daughter that a divorce had to occur because of the mother’s new relationship with another man, then every time that young girl looks in the mirror she sees a whore. Children will internalize these assertions because regardless of whether the assertions are right or wrong, they are being made by people who are their parents, advisors and whose behavior they model. Rest assured that a frequent dead-beat father or mother is infinitely better than no father or mother at all. Additionally, it has been this attorney’s experience that using the children to forge a position in a divorce inevitably back-fires before the judge and/or jury and, over the long-haul as the children mature into adulthood, they will resent the self-degradation of the other spouse and hold it against the spouse who tried to manipulate the child for the rest of their lives.
Once a direct, unambiguous, concise, and sometimes brutally honest statement is made to the children as to what their future will be, the best emotional results for the children appear to come from parents who thereafter remain silent on the topic. Children frequently are dealing with adolescence, puberty, early religious beliefs, adaptation to sexual urges that are normal and hormonal, and every other issue all children deal with as they mature and grow. The last thing on earth minor children need in this contentious environment is to become a go-between message carrier or spy against a parent who is someone they love and who they follow as a role model, during a terrible period of time in their life when their own grief reaction is just as hard and painful as that of the parents going through the divorce.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Monday, April 20, 2009
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 4
Psychological Impact of Marital Dissolution on the Nuclear Family:
Communication Traps & Myths
Part IV: Divorce Really Sucks (a iew from the trenches)
Even in the best of circumstances, the divorce process is an emotionally traumatic event which gives rise to several myths to be recognized and avoided during the tenure of a divorce. A non-exclusive list of pitfalls to avoid include the following:
1. A husband or wife should take great care to address their feelings directly as to what is occurring and avoid projecting those feelings on to others, especially with regard to family, friends, attorneys, counselors and others involved in the process. Spouses should take great care to remember that they are not married to their counselors or legal representatives, but it is very easy and emotionally convenient to feel “all of this money I am losing and all of these fees and pain are my lawyer’s fault” or “the opposing lawyer’s fault.” Certainly, as with all occupations, trades or work, there are some disreputable attorneys who will exploit an emotional trauma for gain. By and large, however, extensive expensive divorces at some point inevitably result from the lack of emotional acceptance of the spouses of the process, their own feelings, and the simple truth that a good deal of pain and grief must be dealt with before the matter may be concluded.
2. “Life can remain stable and normal during a divorce.” In some rare cases and to some degree this can happen. However, in the vast majority of divorces, failure to address the pain and grief inevitable in divorce will only repress the truth of what is occurring and the grief and pain will return at some time in the future. A more constructive approach is to directly address one’s feelings, pain, and dissolution of the property estate as fully as possible during the process. Psychological counseling is extremely productive during this process.
3. “I just want it over!” “I just want out!” Issues that are not fully resolved in the divorce process will return. Denial results in post-divorce modifications, post-divorce custody suits and post-divorce clarification proceedings which frequently are more expensive in attorney’s fees and lost time from employment than what the total amount of the cost of the divorce would have been had these issues been directly addressed and resolved.
4. “I want to take him/her to the cleaners!” This approach denies basic law of dissolution and is an unscrupulous lawyer’s dream come true. In truth, there are no victors in a divorce. Regardless of the facts or egregious circumstances, there are no winners. If the emotional aspects of a divorce are addressed properly and therapeutically and if acceptance of the dissolution occurs quickly, there may however be survivors, not the least of which are the children of the marriage.
5. “It was all my fault.” There are many divorces where fault is substantially placed, and should be placed, on one of the spouses. However, in the vast majority of divorce cases, the simple truth is both spouses share in the blame, not the least of which was the original decision (poor judgment) to enter into a relationship that may have been doomed form the beginning. Denial of this type results in poor decision making regarding placement of the children, possession periods, the amount of child support and other issues which inevitably arise again in the future resulting in attorney’s fees and expenses well in excess of what they would have been if true feelings had been dealt with at the time of the original divorce.
It has been this writer’s experience that, but for extremely rare exceptions, anxiety and/or depression will occur while the grief reaction runs its course. If the spouses have accepted the emotional divorce, the result is frequently depression. However, depression can be dealt with clinically and with medication. Depression while dehabilitating will pass in time as the grief reaction runs its course and with the help of coping skills learned or used to expedite the process. If the parties have not accepted the emotional divorce, the inevitable result is chronic and habitual anxiety. Anxiety is the killer. It has no beginning and no end and undermines the real issues in the divorce, working with the children for an understanding transition, employment and other life needs and beliefs. With proper acceptance, guidance and counseling, although there can be no winners, there certainly can be survivors and a relative fresh start. A broken home, free of depression and anxiety where the children understand that they have not been divorced but are in a new environment where they have two loving homes free of anxiety and depression, is infinitely better, healthier and more productive to their development and self-actualization as they become adults than a chronic anxiety-filled life wherein two spouses contaminate the nuclear relationship with denial, anxiety and discontent.
Nacol Law Firm PC
Office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690 -3333
Communication Traps & Myths
Part IV: Divorce Really Sucks (a iew from the trenches)
Even in the best of circumstances, the divorce process is an emotionally traumatic event which gives rise to several myths to be recognized and avoided during the tenure of a divorce. A non-exclusive list of pitfalls to avoid include the following:
1. A husband or wife should take great care to address their feelings directly as to what is occurring and avoid projecting those feelings on to others, especially with regard to family, friends, attorneys, counselors and others involved in the process. Spouses should take great care to remember that they are not married to their counselors or legal representatives, but it is very easy and emotionally convenient to feel “all of this money I am losing and all of these fees and pain are my lawyer’s fault” or “the opposing lawyer’s fault.” Certainly, as with all occupations, trades or work, there are some disreputable attorneys who will exploit an emotional trauma for gain. By and large, however, extensive expensive divorces at some point inevitably result from the lack of emotional acceptance of the spouses of the process, their own feelings, and the simple truth that a good deal of pain and grief must be dealt with before the matter may be concluded.
2. “Life can remain stable and normal during a divorce.” In some rare cases and to some degree this can happen. However, in the vast majority of divorces, failure to address the pain and grief inevitable in divorce will only repress the truth of what is occurring and the grief and pain will return at some time in the future. A more constructive approach is to directly address one’s feelings, pain, and dissolution of the property estate as fully as possible during the process. Psychological counseling is extremely productive during this process.
3. “I just want it over!” “I just want out!” Issues that are not fully resolved in the divorce process will return. Denial results in post-divorce modifications, post-divorce custody suits and post-divorce clarification proceedings which frequently are more expensive in attorney’s fees and lost time from employment than what the total amount of the cost of the divorce would have been had these issues been directly addressed and resolved.
4. “I want to take him/her to the cleaners!” This approach denies basic law of dissolution and is an unscrupulous lawyer’s dream come true. In truth, there are no victors in a divorce. Regardless of the facts or egregious circumstances, there are no winners. If the emotional aspects of a divorce are addressed properly and therapeutically and if acceptance of the dissolution occurs quickly, there may however be survivors, not the least of which are the children of the marriage.
5. “It was all my fault.” There are many divorces where fault is substantially placed, and should be placed, on one of the spouses. However, in the vast majority of divorce cases, the simple truth is both spouses share in the blame, not the least of which was the original decision (poor judgment) to enter into a relationship that may have been doomed form the beginning. Denial of this type results in poor decision making regarding placement of the children, possession periods, the amount of child support and other issues which inevitably arise again in the future resulting in attorney’s fees and expenses well in excess of what they would have been if true feelings had been dealt with at the time of the original divorce.
It has been this writer’s experience that, but for extremely rare exceptions, anxiety and/or depression will occur while the grief reaction runs its course. If the spouses have accepted the emotional divorce, the result is frequently depression. However, depression can be dealt with clinically and with medication. Depression while dehabilitating will pass in time as the grief reaction runs its course and with the help of coping skills learned or used to expedite the process. If the parties have not accepted the emotional divorce, the inevitable result is chronic and habitual anxiety. Anxiety is the killer. It has no beginning and no end and undermines the real issues in the divorce, working with the children for an understanding transition, employment and other life needs and beliefs. With proper acceptance, guidance and counseling, although there can be no winners, there certainly can be survivors and a relative fresh start. A broken home, free of depression and anxiety where the children understand that they have not been divorced but are in a new environment where they have two loving homes free of anxiety and depression, is infinitely better, healthier and more productive to their development and self-actualization as they become adults than a chronic anxiety-filled life wherein two spouses contaminate the nuclear relationship with denial, anxiety and discontent.
Nacol Law Firm PC
Office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690 -3333
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 3
Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family - or How does divorce make you feel?
Divorce Wars/Legal Strategies and Myths
The cost, effectiveness, pain, and complexity of a divorce is frequently directly related to that point in time in which the man and woman accept an emotional divorce. Generally, the divorce commences at the time of the filing of the petitioner’s original petition and ends, absent appeal, thirty days following the entry of a final judgment of divorce. The emotional divorce, however, may occur prior to the commencement of the action, during the commencement of the action, or following entry of a final judgment. Likewise, the emotional divorce may be accepted prior to the commencement of the action, following the filing of the original petition or after entry of a final judgment. Although there are a number of cases in which fault primarily rests with one spouse, experience has shown that emotional acceptance, in the vast majority of divorce cases, can only occur when both husband and wife accept partial fault. In other words, at the core of all marital disputes is the unrecognized and repressed reality that both parties may have made a poor judgment in electing to commence the marital compact in the first place.
Absent adult and real emotional acceptance of some level of partial responsibility for failed judgment, divorce wars can evolve primarily to establish who is “wrong” or “responsible” or “at fault” and generally lead to higher costs, attorney’s fees, expense, expert fees and other strategical expenses necessary to fully put forward the position of the client. The ammunition employed by the attorney on behalf of the client is available from a number of categories, including temporary and, in some cases, post-divorce alimony, asset distribution, asset allocation, child support, possession periods with the children, holidays with the children, payment of attorney’s fees, depositions, document discovery and analysis, psychological evaluations, drug testing, etc.
If, in fact, the emotional acceptance of the dissolution has occurred prior to or relatively near commencement of the divorce proceeding, it is much simpler and emotionally constructive to address the underlying core issues in the divorce more quickly and effectively. Those issues in a relationship with children, blended or otherwise, should and frequently do in an acceptance situation, revolve around the best interest of the children and the constructive approach to an adult respectful resolution that takes into account the future stability and workability of the husband and wife and particularly the children to a relationship. Frequently, the key to a quick, more cost effective and therapeutic result is the employment of qualified counselors to aid the parties on this very difficult and complicated road that must be walked prior to commencing a different life following dissolution. When there are children involved, the sooner the parties recognize that though they may divorce one another they are not divorcing their children, the sooner the recovery process can begin. Regardless of fault, responsibility or other adversarial issues, for both husband and wife, there will be future soccer games, T-ball games, graduations, marriages, funerals, reunions and other social events which in all reasonable probability, they will both be in attendance. So long as both spouses place the best interests of the child above their own best interest, in a large majority of the cases, regardless of who is at fault, a reasonable and cost effective result may be expeditiously accomplished.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
972-690-3333
Divorce Wars/Legal Strategies and Myths
The cost, effectiveness, pain, and complexity of a divorce is frequently directly related to that point in time in which the man and woman accept an emotional divorce. Generally, the divorce commences at the time of the filing of the petitioner’s original petition and ends, absent appeal, thirty days following the entry of a final judgment of divorce. The emotional divorce, however, may occur prior to the commencement of the action, during the commencement of the action, or following entry of a final judgment. Likewise, the emotional divorce may be accepted prior to the commencement of the action, following the filing of the original petition or after entry of a final judgment. Although there are a number of cases in which fault primarily rests with one spouse, experience has shown that emotional acceptance, in the vast majority of divorce cases, can only occur when both husband and wife accept partial fault. In other words, at the core of all marital disputes is the unrecognized and repressed reality that both parties may have made a poor judgment in electing to commence the marital compact in the first place.
Absent adult and real emotional acceptance of some level of partial responsibility for failed judgment, divorce wars can evolve primarily to establish who is “wrong” or “responsible” or “at fault” and generally lead to higher costs, attorney’s fees, expense, expert fees and other strategical expenses necessary to fully put forward the position of the client. The ammunition employed by the attorney on behalf of the client is available from a number of categories, including temporary and, in some cases, post-divorce alimony, asset distribution, asset allocation, child support, possession periods with the children, holidays with the children, payment of attorney’s fees, depositions, document discovery and analysis, psychological evaluations, drug testing, etc.
If, in fact, the emotional acceptance of the dissolution has occurred prior to or relatively near commencement of the divorce proceeding, it is much simpler and emotionally constructive to address the underlying core issues in the divorce more quickly and effectively. Those issues in a relationship with children, blended or otherwise, should and frequently do in an acceptance situation, revolve around the best interest of the children and the constructive approach to an adult respectful resolution that takes into account the future stability and workability of the husband and wife and particularly the children to a relationship. Frequently, the key to a quick, more cost effective and therapeutic result is the employment of qualified counselors to aid the parties on this very difficult and complicated road that must be walked prior to commencing a different life following dissolution. When there are children involved, the sooner the parties recognize that though they may divorce one another they are not divorcing their children, the sooner the recovery process can begin. Regardless of fault, responsibility or other adversarial issues, for both husband and wife, there will be future soccer games, T-ball games, graduations, marriages, funerals, reunions and other social events which in all reasonable probability, they will both be in attendance. So long as both spouses place the best interests of the child above their own best interest, in a large majority of the cases, regardless of who is at fault, a reasonable and cost effective result may be expeditiously accomplished.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
972-690-3333
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 1
"Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family" or "How does divorce make you feel"? or
Part 1: Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches)!
Make no mistake, there are always two divorces. There is legal divorce, and there is emotional divorce. Although inextricably intertwined, they are distinct and separate with their own life and death, each fueling and affecting the other.
Aside from the loss of a spouse, child or parent to death, it has been said that divorce is the most egregious, emotionally dehabilitating experience a man or woman may have in a lifetime. The grief to each spouse, regardless of fault or equities, is very real, personal, deep and frequently damaging.
Aside from dispute resolution and collaborative law possibilities, which generally may apply to some people, the judicial adversary system is perhaps the most misplaced, illogical and painful method one might devise to dissolve a bond as culturally significant and historically necessary as the marital compact. Regrettably, it is what we have today to resolve marital conflicts.
The legal marriage is formed either by statute or common law. Statutorily one may secure their priest, Rabbi, or other authorized person to join the parties in union by purchasing a marriage license, taking a blood test and going through the formal procedures and ceremony.
Additionally, you may, under statute, marry by filing forms with the state signifying the union. In Texas, flowing from the Mexican/Spanish influence on our statutes and the large distances between cities, the time and effort necessary to find a preacher in days gone by, two parties may marry by common law agreement. Such a marriage is binding upon agreement of the parties to be married (irrevocable present agreement), cohabitating together, and holding themselves out to the public as man and wife ratifying the relationship.
Regardless of which of the three procedures one takes to become married, once accomplished it is binding and can only be dissolved by divorce. Divorce means lawyers, the adversary system, the frequent unnecessary involvement of the children in the procedure, and significant grief.
It has been shown to be very constructive, useful, and therapeutic to entertain marriage counseling and/or divorce counseling prior to, during, and following a divorce procedure. There is no question that securing the services of a quality counselor, properly qualified to assist a husband and wife going through divorce, yields long-term benefits and faster recovery time, though the counseling often leads to serious emotional disruption and further pain before recognizing therapeutic results.
Once married, the divorce rate is over 50%. 95% of the population is married by age 55 versus 72% in 1970. The general life expectancy of a marriage is approximately 7 years, 8 months for the first marriage, and 7 years, 4 months for the second marriage.
The relative costs and expense in dissolving the marital relationship is directly proportional to the acceptance and the decision to divorce emotionally which can occur days, weeks, months, or years prior to the time you meet your attorney to commence the divorce proceeding, or never at all.
Part 1: Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches)!
Make no mistake, there are always two divorces. There is legal divorce, and there is emotional divorce. Although inextricably intertwined, they are distinct and separate with their own life and death, each fueling and affecting the other.
Aside from the loss of a spouse, child or parent to death, it has been said that divorce is the most egregious, emotionally dehabilitating experience a man or woman may have in a lifetime. The grief to each spouse, regardless of fault or equities, is very real, personal, deep and frequently damaging.
Aside from dispute resolution and collaborative law possibilities, which generally may apply to some people, the judicial adversary system is perhaps the most misplaced, illogical and painful method one might devise to dissolve a bond as culturally significant and historically necessary as the marital compact. Regrettably, it is what we have today to resolve marital conflicts.
The legal marriage is formed either by statute or common law. Statutorily one may secure their priest, Rabbi, or other authorized person to join the parties in union by purchasing a marriage license, taking a blood test and going through the formal procedures and ceremony.
Additionally, you may, under statute, marry by filing forms with the state signifying the union. In Texas, flowing from the Mexican/Spanish influence on our statutes and the large distances between cities, the time and effort necessary to find a preacher in days gone by, two parties may marry by common law agreement. Such a marriage is binding upon agreement of the parties to be married (irrevocable present agreement), cohabitating together, and holding themselves out to the public as man and wife ratifying the relationship.
Regardless of which of the three procedures one takes to become married, once accomplished it is binding and can only be dissolved by divorce. Divorce means lawyers, the adversary system, the frequent unnecessary involvement of the children in the procedure, and significant grief.
It has been shown to be very constructive, useful, and therapeutic to entertain marriage counseling and/or divorce counseling prior to, during, and following a divorce procedure. There is no question that securing the services of a quality counselor, properly qualified to assist a husband and wife going through divorce, yields long-term benefits and faster recovery time, though the counseling often leads to serious emotional disruption and further pain before recognizing therapeutic results.
Once married, the divorce rate is over 50%. 95% of the population is married by age 55 versus 72% in 1970. The general life expectancy of a marriage is approximately 7 years, 8 months for the first marriage, and 7 years, 4 months for the second marriage.
The relative costs and expense in dissolving the marital relationship is directly proportional to the acceptance and the decision to divorce emotionally which can occur days, weeks, months, or years prior to the time you meet your attorney to commence the divorce proceeding, or never at all.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Attorney Mark Nacol
Serves clients in the Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex area
Tel: 972-690-3333
Attorney Mark Nacol
Serves clients in the Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex area
Tel: 972-690-3333
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Parent Alienation in Divorce
In recent years, “parent alienation” has become more prevalent in divorce cases. Parent alienation is the dramatic change in the relationship between a parent and their child when the child is used as a tool by one parent to hurt the other parent. Parent alienation can include much more than brainwashing of a child. In many cases, the child becomes hostile towards the alienated parent as they are fed not just conscious, but subconscious and unconscious, messages by the alienating parent. Frequently, the child will turn on the parent they previously loved and were very close to prior to the institution of the divorce proceeding. In some cases, the alienating parent will go to extreme lengths to keep the alienated parent from seeing the child for long periods of time. Children begin acting out and the situation quickly becomes volatile.
When children are used in such a manner, emotions are quickly aroused and a very simple divorce case can quickly become a highly contested case fueled by resentment and hostility.
Parents who are successful in getting primary custody of a child in a parent alienation situation share many similar characteristics and may use some of the following tools to assist them in their defense:
1. Keep an even-temper, remain logical and keep your emotions under control. Never retaliate.
2. Though you may think of giving up, never do so.
3. Go to the financial expense of seeing the case through. Never give up on your child. There can be nothing more important than the happiness of your child.
4. Seek help from a skilled attorney who has experience with parental alienation.
5. Familiarize yourself with how the courts work and the laws as they apply to your specific case.
6. Seek professional help and diagnosis.
7. Request a social study into the circumstances of the child.
8. Request a psychological evaluation of the alienating parent.
9. Keep a chronology or diary of events (this will help to jog your memory, keep track of witnesses, etc.).
10. Document the alienation for submission as evidence in court.
11. Keep the best interest of the child at heart.
12. Provide the Court with an appropriate parenting plan.
13. Make sure you understand the nature of the problem and focus on correcting it, even though you are being victimized.
14. Always call and show up for visitation with your child at the scheduled time, even if there is no chance of the child being there.
15. Take witnesses to testify that the child is not at home when you exercise your visitation rights.
16. Focus on the child, and never talk to the child about the other parent or the divorce case.
17. Never violate the Court’s orders.
18. If you are receiving disturbing phone calls from the child or the other parent, tape the calls.
19. If you are receiving disturbing emails or text messages from the child or the other parent, make a copy and place in a file.
Though none of these tips will guarantee that you get custody of the child, they will definitely assist you in building a case against the parent who is attempting to alienate you from your child.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Serving clients with divorce / parent alienation issues
in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex area
Tel: 972-690-3333
When children are used in such a manner, emotions are quickly aroused and a very simple divorce case can quickly become a highly contested case fueled by resentment and hostility.
Parents who are successful in getting primary custody of a child in a parent alienation situation share many similar characteristics and may use some of the following tools to assist them in their defense:
1. Keep an even-temper, remain logical and keep your emotions under control. Never retaliate.
2. Though you may think of giving up, never do so.
3. Go to the financial expense of seeing the case through. Never give up on your child. There can be nothing more important than the happiness of your child.
4. Seek help from a skilled attorney who has experience with parental alienation.
5. Familiarize yourself with how the courts work and the laws as they apply to your specific case.
6. Seek professional help and diagnosis.
7. Request a social study into the circumstances of the child.
8. Request a psychological evaluation of the alienating parent.
9. Keep a chronology or diary of events (this will help to jog your memory, keep track of witnesses, etc.).
10. Document the alienation for submission as evidence in court.
11. Keep the best interest of the child at heart.
12. Provide the Court with an appropriate parenting plan.
13. Make sure you understand the nature of the problem and focus on correcting it, even though you are being victimized.
14. Always call and show up for visitation with your child at the scheduled time, even if there is no chance of the child being there.
15. Take witnesses to testify that the child is not at home when you exercise your visitation rights.
16. Focus on the child, and never talk to the child about the other parent or the divorce case.
17. Never violate the Court’s orders.
18. If you are receiving disturbing phone calls from the child or the other parent, tape the calls.
19. If you are receiving disturbing emails or text messages from the child or the other parent, make a copy and place in a file.
Though none of these tips will guarantee that you get custody of the child, they will definitely assist you in building a case against the parent who is attempting to alienate you from your child.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Serving clients with divorce / parent alienation issues
in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex area
Tel: 972-690-3333
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