There are many legal and proper ways to obtain proof of a spouse’s infidelity. Take care to avoid tactics used to obtain private information that may violate federal and Texas confidentiality laws and a spouse’s right to privacy. You may be tempted by others to obtain proof of a partner’s infidelity by various inappropriate and/or illegal methods. Reading emails, recording telephone calls, installing spyware or geographical tracking devices or even setting up hidden cameras are just a few methods a spouse may be offered when entertaining the thought of catching a cheating spouse. However, such actions may expose both parties and their attorney to civil liability and possible criminal penalties. Under Texas law, it is a crime to install a geographical tracking device on a vehicle owned by another person. When emotions are running high, it is imperative that you seek proper counsel as to the proper legal action to be taken when establishing facts.
Both federal and state wiretapping laws apply to divorcing spouses. A spouse may sue the other spouse or their agents for invasion of privacy. Federal law regulates electronic surveillance of conversations and access to emails, faxes and voicemail. The law imposes civil and criminal sanctions for intentional interceptions of electronic communications. However, accessing email after it has been transmitted, i.e. downloading a text from your telephone or email from the hard drive of a family computer, is not an offense under the Federal Act. Texas has laws that also prohibit the interception of communications. Under such laws, counsel may also be held liable if they disclose information received from the intercepted communications provided by their clients.
Federal and Texas laws both allow recording of telephone calls and other electronic communications with the consent of at least one party to the communication. Under the one-party consent statutes, a spouse may record conversations in which he or she is participating. This has been extended to include parental recording of a child’s conversations with a third party, including the other parent. The parent can consent to the recording on behalf of the child so long as the parent has a good faith objective and a reasonable belief that it is in the best interest of the child, even if the child is unaware of the recording.
It is important that a spouse take great care in their means and methods of gathering information for your divorce in Texas. Information obtained by illegal means can expose one, even if he or she is a spouse, to civil liabilities and possible criminal prosecution. Texas recognizes that every person has a certain right to privacy. Such right is violated if a person intentionally intrudes upon the private affairs of another by offensive means. Accessing stored email or secretly recording a spouse can be a violation of a spouse’s right to privacy. If a suit is filed, the damaged spouse may recover monetary damages, including punitive damages.
For answers to your questions on gathering information for your Texas Divorce, contact Dallas Divorce attorney Mark Nacol with the Nacol Law Firm, P.C.
Showing posts with label dallas divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dallas divorce. Show all posts
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, August 21, 2009
Child Custody: Staying Close to Your Kids
When a custody lawsuit commences, parents need to be thinking primarily about what is in the best interest of the child(ren). The needs and rights of the child(ren) are of paramount importance in a child custody case and the court’s primary focus.
In accordance with Section 153.002 of the Texas Family Code, parents are ordinarily considered to be equal in their right to parent their child(ren). It is the best interests of the child(ren) that are paramount, and the aim of the Texas Family Code is to:
1. Assure that child(ren) will have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interest of the child(ren);
2. Provide a safe, stable, and non-violent environment for the child(ren); and
3. Encourage parents to share in the rights and duties of raising their child(ren) after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage.
If you are a parent who is preparing for a custody battle, you would do well to make this your primary goal throughout the litigation.
Vengeful parents often engage in destructive conduct by trying to move out of state in an attempt to separate the child(ren) geographically from the non-custodial parent. If vengeance is the custodial parent’s primary motive, this has many benefits: it becomes more difficult for the non-custodial parent to exercise visitation, and at the same time makes it more difficult (and expensive) for the non-custodial parent to seek relief through the courts for denied visitation or other wrongful acts by the custodial parent. A move-away, depending upon distance, can also isolate the child(ren) from the non-custodial parent. If you suspect your spouse may do this, you need to be prepared and act proactively. A key item to have incorporated into final paperwork is an “anti-move-away” clause. Essentially, this states that if the custodial parent moves more than a certain number of miles away, custody changes to the remaining parent and/or restricting the permanent domicile of the child(ren) to designated counties.
Stay meaningfully involved in your child(ren)’s lives on a regular and continuing basis. Being heavily involved with your child(ren) for very short periods of time will not bring favor in the eyes of the court.
Keep a detailed record or diary of the details of how much you have been involved with your child(ren)’s school and extracurricular activities. Attend school meetings. Take pictures. Schedule family vacations. Visit relatives and friends and schedule sleepovers with your child(ren)’s peers. Take your child(ren) to the dentist and the doctor. Don’t spoil your child(ren), reasonably discipline your child(ren) when necessary and document why you took such action. Take advantage of extra time extended you by your spouse and try to extend visitation when possible if only for a couple of hours. Initiate and support birthdays, school activities, and college requirements. Document all relevant case issues and facts.
Keep in mind that your child(ren) are not equipped to deal with the range of emotions experienced by an adult, and that ventilating your personal difficulties on them is not only unhelpful, but can be a form of abuse and can create lasting emotional scars and is viewed with disfavor in the courthouse.
Parents preparing for custody cases before the court in Texas must be mindful of the extraordinary damage they can do when denigrating the other spouse in front of their child(ren). Such behavior is not only damaging to the child(ren), but may and usually will, be taken into consideration by the court. A noticeable failure to maintain self-control may be considered an indicator of an inability to parent.
If you can remain involved in your child(ren)’s lives enough to find out how his or her relationship is with your former spouse, you may be able to build a better case to show the court you are the better custodial parent, and in the meantime productively provide for your child(ren) in his or her best interest.
In accordance with Section 153.002 of the Texas Family Code, parents are ordinarily considered to be equal in their right to parent their child(ren). It is the best interests of the child(ren) that are paramount, and the aim of the Texas Family Code is to:
1. Assure that child(ren) will have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interest of the child(ren);
2. Provide a safe, stable, and non-violent environment for the child(ren); and
3. Encourage parents to share in the rights and duties of raising their child(ren) after the parents have separated or dissolved their marriage.
If you are a parent who is preparing for a custody battle, you would do well to make this your primary goal throughout the litigation.
Vengeful parents often engage in destructive conduct by trying to move out of state in an attempt to separate the child(ren) geographically from the non-custodial parent. If vengeance is the custodial parent’s primary motive, this has many benefits: it becomes more difficult for the non-custodial parent to exercise visitation, and at the same time makes it more difficult (and expensive) for the non-custodial parent to seek relief through the courts for denied visitation or other wrongful acts by the custodial parent. A move-away, depending upon distance, can also isolate the child(ren) from the non-custodial parent. If you suspect your spouse may do this, you need to be prepared and act proactively. A key item to have incorporated into final paperwork is an “anti-move-away” clause. Essentially, this states that if the custodial parent moves more than a certain number of miles away, custody changes to the remaining parent and/or restricting the permanent domicile of the child(ren) to designated counties.
Stay meaningfully involved in your child(ren)’s lives on a regular and continuing basis. Being heavily involved with your child(ren) for very short periods of time will not bring favor in the eyes of the court.
Keep a detailed record or diary of the details of how much you have been involved with your child(ren)’s school and extracurricular activities. Attend school meetings. Take pictures. Schedule family vacations. Visit relatives and friends and schedule sleepovers with your child(ren)’s peers. Take your child(ren) to the dentist and the doctor. Don’t spoil your child(ren), reasonably discipline your child(ren) when necessary and document why you took such action. Take advantage of extra time extended you by your spouse and try to extend visitation when possible if only for a couple of hours. Initiate and support birthdays, school activities, and college requirements. Document all relevant case issues and facts.
Keep in mind that your child(ren) are not equipped to deal with the range of emotions experienced by an adult, and that ventilating your personal difficulties on them is not only unhelpful, but can be a form of abuse and can create lasting emotional scars and is viewed with disfavor in the courthouse.
Parents preparing for custody cases before the court in Texas must be mindful of the extraordinary damage they can do when denigrating the other spouse in front of their child(ren). Such behavior is not only damaging to the child(ren), but may and usually will, be taken into consideration by the court. A noticeable failure to maintain self-control may be considered an indicator of an inability to parent.
If you can remain involved in your child(ren)’s lives enough to find out how his or her relationship is with your former spouse, you may be able to build a better case to show the court you are the better custodial parent, and in the meantime productively provide for your child(ren) in his or her best interest.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 5
Trial Strategy – Constructive or Nonproductive
Throughout the tenure of a divorce or custody suit, strategies are employed to improve the strategic position of a spouse before the court or a civil jury.
A non-all-inclusive list of such pursuits of a spouse and his or her attorney may include the following non-productive trial strategies:
1. False claim of child abuse – frequently attorneys and/or their clients will make artificial or transparent claims of child abuse either directly to a jury in a trial or through the filing of a frivolous Child Protective Services complaint. Such ineffective claims may include claims of physical abuse (when in truth is a properly administered and appropriate corporal punishment for grievous conduct dangerous to the child), false claims of injury (whether it be normal scrapes and bruises occurring from play, garden variety accidents all children have, or fractures to the arm or leg occurring through no real fault of either spouse). Frequently, the claims are exaggerated with photographs and close up shots and, on occasion, artificial support from the minor child through the coercion of a spouse. Jury’s are very resentful of this approach and will hold the party asserting such frivolous claims accountable at the end of the day.
2. False claims of alcoholism, substance abuse and/or prescription drug excess – painting a picture of a spouse as an alcoholic or a danger to his or her child based on a glass of wine at an Italian restaurant is frequently a ploy attorneys will use given great social resentment to alcoholism, DWIs and general drug abuse. Certainly, if the abuse is real the claim is valid and is constructive. However, frequently clients will exaggerate social alcohol consumption that is reasonable and is looked upon by the jury as a waste of their time and they will frequently hold the party falsely alleging such abuse accountable.
3. WAR by financial attrition - if there is insufficient community property to adequately fund both sides of a divorce, one spouse may use outside sources of income in the form of family loans, gifts, spend thrift trust disbursements or other disbursements from relatives to financially bring the opposing spouse to his or her knees and demand agreement to terms that are unreasonable and not productive for the underfunded spouse or the children of the marriage. Regrettably, the divorce process is part of the adversary system of justice and leaves this unfair loophole open in such circumstances. Though not outright unethical, such conduct and strategy does not pass the smell test.
4. Cookie cutter witnesses – preachers, rabbis, soccer coaches, parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers and sisters generally bring a yawn from the jury or the court. If their testimony is direct, short and fact driven on an important core issue in a divorce or custody suit, they are necessary. In general, the jury’s perspective is, “what do you think a preacher, grandparent or soccer coach is going to say about the child in their care...that the mother or father they support are bad?”
5. Use of the children as spies – attorneys or clients that use the children to spy and give testimony before a court or jury almost always fail in their goal. Most judges and a majority of juries are highly resentful for bringing minor children into the fray and such a strategy is doomed to backfire before the judge or jury. Clearly, if a relatively mature child is the ONLY source of information that is core to the case and IF there is no other third party professional or other source to support the issue, sometimes the testimony is necessary. This is especially true in cases of real abuse, parental alienation and other destructive conduct that is fundamental to the issues of the case.
Productive strategies:
1. Here is a novel idea. How about truth and sincerity. It has been this writer’s experience that a jury will give some ear to experts, social workers, teachers, coaches, doctors, preachers and other witness with personal knowledge. Inevitably, the final result is driven by the truth and sincerity of the spouse testifying. With predictable regularity a jury will make their decision based squarely on the shoulders of the spouse testifying and the honesty and forthrightness of their testimony.
2. Experts – psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, doctors and other professionals will be given credibility to some degree by a jury IF their opinions are based on acceptable, acknowledged predictable science and IF they have spent sufficient time with the minor child and/or both parents to render a believable opinion. Rent-an-expert’s testimony is disdained by most juries and seen for what it is - as an opinion for hire. The longer the relationship between the testifying expert and the minor child, the greater the likelihood will be that the opinion is fairly received and considered by a court or jury.
3. Election by a minor over 12 years of age- any child over the age of 12 may sign an election (affidavit) of their preference of primary caregiver. The courts will strongly consider these elections and in the large number of the cases make a decision based on the child’s wishes. Juries will favorably consider such elections so long as they are based on believable facts and parental propriety. However, the securing of such an affidavit when in conjunction with a new car, a new wardrobe, or a loose, undisciplined parental attitude towards control of the child will result in the opposite of what the spouse seeks in obtaining such an election. The elections are not binding on the court, but if they are legitimate and based on fact, they are highly cogent evidence which the court and the jury will strongly consider.
4. Depositions of paramours, IRS agents, psychologists, doctors, ex-wives, employers, secretaries, etc. – well thought out, terse, and to the point testimony on facts that support a claim revealed in depositions is far more effective than hearsay or other testimony that is not likely to be received well by the jury. It is important that such deposition testimony be short, to the point and dispositive of a real issue in the case.
The above is not an inclusive list of strategies employed during the divorce proceeding, however, if properly employed or excluded may be instrumental in a positive result for the client during this very difficult time.
The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Throughout the tenure of a divorce or custody suit, strategies are employed to improve the strategic position of a spouse before the court or a civil jury.
A non-all-inclusive list of such pursuits of a spouse and his or her attorney may include the following non-productive trial strategies:
1. False claim of child abuse – frequently attorneys and/or their clients will make artificial or transparent claims of child abuse either directly to a jury in a trial or through the filing of a frivolous Child Protective Services complaint. Such ineffective claims may include claims of physical abuse (when in truth is a properly administered and appropriate corporal punishment for grievous conduct dangerous to the child), false claims of injury (whether it be normal scrapes and bruises occurring from play, garden variety accidents all children have, or fractures to the arm or leg occurring through no real fault of either spouse). Frequently, the claims are exaggerated with photographs and close up shots and, on occasion, artificial support from the minor child through the coercion of a spouse. Jury’s are very resentful of this approach and will hold the party asserting such frivolous claims accountable at the end of the day.
2. False claims of alcoholism, substance abuse and/or prescription drug excess – painting a picture of a spouse as an alcoholic or a danger to his or her child based on a glass of wine at an Italian restaurant is frequently a ploy attorneys will use given great social resentment to alcoholism, DWIs and general drug abuse. Certainly, if the abuse is real the claim is valid and is constructive. However, frequently clients will exaggerate social alcohol consumption that is reasonable and is looked upon by the jury as a waste of their time and they will frequently hold the party falsely alleging such abuse accountable.
3. WAR by financial attrition - if there is insufficient community property to adequately fund both sides of a divorce, one spouse may use outside sources of income in the form of family loans, gifts, spend thrift trust disbursements or other disbursements from relatives to financially bring the opposing spouse to his or her knees and demand agreement to terms that are unreasonable and not productive for the underfunded spouse or the children of the marriage. Regrettably, the divorce process is part of the adversary system of justice and leaves this unfair loophole open in such circumstances. Though not outright unethical, such conduct and strategy does not pass the smell test.
4. Cookie cutter witnesses – preachers, rabbis, soccer coaches, parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers and sisters generally bring a yawn from the jury or the court. If their testimony is direct, short and fact driven on an important core issue in a divorce or custody suit, they are necessary. In general, the jury’s perspective is, “what do you think a preacher, grandparent or soccer coach is going to say about the child in their care...that the mother or father they support are bad?”
5. Use of the children as spies – attorneys or clients that use the children to spy and give testimony before a court or jury almost always fail in their goal. Most judges and a majority of juries are highly resentful for bringing minor children into the fray and such a strategy is doomed to backfire before the judge or jury. Clearly, if a relatively mature child is the ONLY source of information that is core to the case and IF there is no other third party professional or other source to support the issue, sometimes the testimony is necessary. This is especially true in cases of real abuse, parental alienation and other destructive conduct that is fundamental to the issues of the case.
Productive strategies:
1. Here is a novel idea. How about truth and sincerity. It has been this writer’s experience that a jury will give some ear to experts, social workers, teachers, coaches, doctors, preachers and other witness with personal knowledge. Inevitably, the final result is driven by the truth and sincerity of the spouse testifying. With predictable regularity a jury will make their decision based squarely on the shoulders of the spouse testifying and the honesty and forthrightness of their testimony.
2. Experts – psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, doctors and other professionals will be given credibility to some degree by a jury IF their opinions are based on acceptable, acknowledged predictable science and IF they have spent sufficient time with the minor child and/or both parents to render a believable opinion. Rent-an-expert’s testimony is disdained by most juries and seen for what it is - as an opinion for hire. The longer the relationship between the testifying expert and the minor child, the greater the likelihood will be that the opinion is fairly received and considered by a court or jury.
3. Election by a minor over 12 years of age- any child over the age of 12 may sign an election (affidavit) of their preference of primary caregiver. The courts will strongly consider these elections and in the large number of the cases make a decision based on the child’s wishes. Juries will favorably consider such elections so long as they are based on believable facts and parental propriety. However, the securing of such an affidavit when in conjunction with a new car, a new wardrobe, or a loose, undisciplined parental attitude towards control of the child will result in the opposite of what the spouse seeks in obtaining such an election. The elections are not binding on the court, but if they are legitimate and based on fact, they are highly cogent evidence which the court and the jury will strongly consider.
4. Depositions of paramours, IRS agents, psychologists, doctors, ex-wives, employers, secretaries, etc. – well thought out, terse, and to the point testimony on facts that support a claim revealed in depositions is far more effective than hearsay or other testimony that is not likely to be received well by the jury. It is important that such deposition testimony be short, to the point and dispositive of a real issue in the case.
The above is not an inclusive list of strategies employed during the divorce proceeding, however, if properly employed or excluded may be instrumental in a positive result for the client during this very difficult time.
The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 3
Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family - or How does divorce make you feel?
Divorce Wars/Legal Strategies and Myths
The cost, effectiveness, pain, and complexity of a divorce is frequently directly related to that point in time in which the man and woman accept an emotional divorce. Generally, the divorce commences at the time of the filing of the petitioner’s original petition and ends, absent appeal, thirty days following the entry of a final judgment of divorce. The emotional divorce, however, may occur prior to the commencement of the action, during the commencement of the action, or following entry of a final judgment. Likewise, the emotional divorce may be accepted prior to the commencement of the action, following the filing of the original petition or after entry of a final judgment. Although there are a number of cases in which fault primarily rests with one spouse, experience has shown that emotional acceptance, in the vast majority of divorce cases, can only occur when both husband and wife accept partial fault. In other words, at the core of all marital disputes is the unrecognized and repressed reality that both parties may have made a poor judgment in electing to commence the marital compact in the first place.
Absent adult and real emotional acceptance of some level of partial responsibility for failed judgment, divorce wars can evolve primarily to establish who is “wrong” or “responsible” or “at fault” and generally lead to higher costs, attorney’s fees, expense, expert fees and other strategical expenses necessary to fully put forward the position of the client. The ammunition employed by the attorney on behalf of the client is available from a number of categories, including temporary and, in some cases, post-divorce alimony, asset distribution, asset allocation, child support, possession periods with the children, holidays with the children, payment of attorney’s fees, depositions, document discovery and analysis, psychological evaluations, drug testing, etc.
If, in fact, the emotional acceptance of the dissolution has occurred prior to or relatively near commencement of the divorce proceeding, it is much simpler and emotionally constructive to address the underlying core issues in the divorce more quickly and effectively. Those issues in a relationship with children, blended or otherwise, should and frequently do in an acceptance situation, revolve around the best interest of the children and the constructive approach to an adult respectful resolution that takes into account the future stability and workability of the husband and wife and particularly the children to a relationship. Frequently, the key to a quick, more cost effective and therapeutic result is the employment of qualified counselors to aid the parties on this very difficult and complicated road that must be walked prior to commencing a different life following dissolution. When there are children involved, the sooner the parties recognize that though they may divorce one another they are not divorcing their children, the sooner the recovery process can begin. Regardless of fault, responsibility or other adversarial issues, for both husband and wife, there will be future soccer games, T-ball games, graduations, marriages, funerals, reunions and other social events which in all reasonable probability, they will both be in attendance. So long as both spouses place the best interests of the child above their own best interest, in a large majority of the cases, regardless of who is at fault, a reasonable and cost effective result may be expeditiously accomplished.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
972-690-3333
Divorce Wars/Legal Strategies and Myths
The cost, effectiveness, pain, and complexity of a divorce is frequently directly related to that point in time in which the man and woman accept an emotional divorce. Generally, the divorce commences at the time of the filing of the petitioner’s original petition and ends, absent appeal, thirty days following the entry of a final judgment of divorce. The emotional divorce, however, may occur prior to the commencement of the action, during the commencement of the action, or following entry of a final judgment. Likewise, the emotional divorce may be accepted prior to the commencement of the action, following the filing of the original petition or after entry of a final judgment. Although there are a number of cases in which fault primarily rests with one spouse, experience has shown that emotional acceptance, in the vast majority of divorce cases, can only occur when both husband and wife accept partial fault. In other words, at the core of all marital disputes is the unrecognized and repressed reality that both parties may have made a poor judgment in electing to commence the marital compact in the first place.
Absent adult and real emotional acceptance of some level of partial responsibility for failed judgment, divorce wars can evolve primarily to establish who is “wrong” or “responsible” or “at fault” and generally lead to higher costs, attorney’s fees, expense, expert fees and other strategical expenses necessary to fully put forward the position of the client. The ammunition employed by the attorney on behalf of the client is available from a number of categories, including temporary and, in some cases, post-divorce alimony, asset distribution, asset allocation, child support, possession periods with the children, holidays with the children, payment of attorney’s fees, depositions, document discovery and analysis, psychological evaluations, drug testing, etc.
If, in fact, the emotional acceptance of the dissolution has occurred prior to or relatively near commencement of the divorce proceeding, it is much simpler and emotionally constructive to address the underlying core issues in the divorce more quickly and effectively. Those issues in a relationship with children, blended or otherwise, should and frequently do in an acceptance situation, revolve around the best interest of the children and the constructive approach to an adult respectful resolution that takes into account the future stability and workability of the husband and wife and particularly the children to a relationship. Frequently, the key to a quick, more cost effective and therapeutic result is the employment of qualified counselors to aid the parties on this very difficult and complicated road that must be walked prior to commencing a different life following dissolution. When there are children involved, the sooner the parties recognize that though they may divorce one another they are not divorcing their children, the sooner the recovery process can begin. Regardless of fault, responsibility or other adversarial issues, for both husband and wife, there will be future soccer games, T-ball games, graduations, marriages, funerals, reunions and other social events which in all reasonable probability, they will both be in attendance. So long as both spouses place the best interests of the child above their own best interest, in a large majority of the cases, regardless of who is at fault, a reasonable and cost effective result may be expeditiously accomplished.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
972-690-3333
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches) Part 2
Psychological Impact Of Marital Dissolution On The Nuclear Family - or
How does divorce make you feel?
Part II: Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches)
Why do marriages fail? This writer has noted that there are a number of reoccurring causes for failure of the marital relationship. Among them, a nonexclusive list of these causes are:
1. Control issues. Clearly unwanted control of the marital relationship from this writer’s view is the most dominating cause of marital failure. Control can be mental, physical or emotional. It can extend to who manages the marital estate, who has decision powers or input regarding asset acquisition and who shares information that goes to the core and lifetime issues of a marriage. Control is also impacted by simple unsolicited power – who manages the feelings of the husband and wife; are there limitations or artificial prerequisites to expressing feelings; are there false expectations; are there abuse issues. Abuse issues can be mental or physical. Although physical abuse is the most reported, clearly emotional abuse is an overwhelming reason for divorce as it relates to control of one spouse over the other.
2. Outside forces. Parents, grandparents, great grandparents influence on the marital relationship, separate estates, proceeds, trusts, lands, stipends, independent wealth issues, religious issues, and step-children issues. Frequently, in blended families, step-children, children of the half blood, adopted or otherwise can be a crowning achievement for the blended family or a death sentence to its continuation. Although men and women wish, choose, and strive to accept another person’s child as their own, and in many cases are extremely successful in that regard, more often than not, artificial and unrealistic expectations of one spouse as to the other spouse’s attitude toward his or her children disrupt the marital relationship and place the non-blood spouse in an impossible position. Children of another marriage are frequently, depending on age and maturity, excellent adept manipulators of this difficult situation, sometimes terribly aggravating the problem and accelerating the breakdown of the marriage.
3. Adultery. Adultery, though a cause of divorce, is almost always a symptom rather than a cause. People seek escape from stress, control, abuse, alcoholism, etc. both male and female, and often adultery (if not obsessive or compulsive) is a mere anesthetic and self-medication for feeling bad. When the emotional divorce has not been accepted, when the relationship has devolved into anxiety, depression, or high stress levels, people seek relief from those pains in others.
4. Addiction. Alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling addiction, illicit sex addiction all contribute to and are conducive to a failed marital relationship. By far, alcoholism is the highest and best candidate for failure in the view of this writer. However, any form of addictive behavior which places an addictive person’s type of conduct or activity in the center of a relationship, at some point and time in the future, is dooming the husband and wife for the divorce lawyer’s office. There have been remarkable strides in treatment in recent years. There are rehabilitative, medical, and therapeutic answers to many of these issues that did not exist in the past. Still, without exception, there must be a full acceptance of the addicted person of his or her problem for these therapeutic means to result in an acceptable end.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Dallas Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex Areas for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
How does divorce make you feel?
Part II: Divorce really sucks (a view from the trenches)
Why do marriages fail? This writer has noted that there are a number of reoccurring causes for failure of the marital relationship. Among them, a nonexclusive list of these causes are:
1. Control issues. Clearly unwanted control of the marital relationship from this writer’s view is the most dominating cause of marital failure. Control can be mental, physical or emotional. It can extend to who manages the marital estate, who has decision powers or input regarding asset acquisition and who shares information that goes to the core and lifetime issues of a marriage. Control is also impacted by simple unsolicited power – who manages the feelings of the husband and wife; are there limitations or artificial prerequisites to expressing feelings; are there false expectations; are there abuse issues. Abuse issues can be mental or physical. Although physical abuse is the most reported, clearly emotional abuse is an overwhelming reason for divorce as it relates to control of one spouse over the other.
2. Outside forces. Parents, grandparents, great grandparents influence on the marital relationship, separate estates, proceeds, trusts, lands, stipends, independent wealth issues, religious issues, and step-children issues. Frequently, in blended families, step-children, children of the half blood, adopted or otherwise can be a crowning achievement for the blended family or a death sentence to its continuation. Although men and women wish, choose, and strive to accept another person’s child as their own, and in many cases are extremely successful in that regard, more often than not, artificial and unrealistic expectations of one spouse as to the other spouse’s attitude toward his or her children disrupt the marital relationship and place the non-blood spouse in an impossible position. Children of another marriage are frequently, depending on age and maturity, excellent adept manipulators of this difficult situation, sometimes terribly aggravating the problem and accelerating the breakdown of the marriage.
3. Adultery. Adultery, though a cause of divorce, is almost always a symptom rather than a cause. People seek escape from stress, control, abuse, alcoholism, etc. both male and female, and often adultery (if not obsessive or compulsive) is a mere anesthetic and self-medication for feeling bad. When the emotional divorce has not been accepted, when the relationship has devolved into anxiety, depression, or high stress levels, people seek relief from those pains in others.
4. Addiction. Alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling addiction, illicit sex addiction all contribute to and are conducive to a failed marital relationship. By far, alcoholism is the highest and best candidate for failure in the view of this writer. However, any form of addictive behavior which places an addictive person’s type of conduct or activity in the center of a relationship, at some point and time in the future, is dooming the husband and wife for the divorce lawyer’s office. There have been remarkable strides in treatment in recent years. There are rehabilitative, medical, and therapeutic answers to many of these issues that did not exist in the past. Still, without exception, there must be a full acceptance of the addicted person of his or her problem for these therapeutic means to result in an acceptable end.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Dallas Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving clients in the Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex Areas for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
